Twenty Two Thousand Days and Counting
by EldestSalvatore
Summary: Elena's absence is felt each second of every day Damon Salvatore carries her with him. Around others he wears a mask. Nodding off what he's really feeling through snark and dry humor but in reality he's lost just wishing to be found again. Journey with Damon as he tries to live his life without his life.


**Summary: Elena's absence is felt each second of every day Damon Salvatore carries her with him. Around others he wears a mask. Nodding off what he's really feeling through snark and dry humor but in reality he's lost just wishing to be found.**

 **Authors Note: Season Seven is tough for fans because Elena isn't physically there. Vampire Diaries has always been told as Elena and Stefan telling the story but I believe this season Damon should be the one to tell the story and that's why in this you will see everything through his eyes, feel what he feels and understand why he does what he does. Be also on the look out for bonus scenes, scenes or speeches I felt that would have fit.**

* * *

 ** _Flashback: Two ships in the night who had met on this road long ago now standing together as two soul-mates preparing for goodbye._**

"Damon"

"Elena" he says back knowing exactly where she is heading, but not wanting to go in that direction, at least not yet.

"We can't keep doing this dance" she whispers, swallowing hard "I'm still not awake yet which means whatever is going on is bad." Noticing the way that Damon's gaze flicks away from her causing Elena to turn his head back so he's looking at her "just tell me Damon" she's practically pleading by now "I can see it in your face, it's bad, so just tell me."

Defeat clear in his expression, because he knows it's time to fess up "Kai linked you to Bonnie" a look of helplessness reflecting in his eyes as she takes a step back "you won't wake up until she dies." The last of the statement causing Damon to choke back the sob wanting to escape him.

"What?"

Disbelief in her expression as he watches her let it sink in on what's happening "he won Elena."

"What are you doing to do?"

The cracking in her voice at her question resulting in Damon looking away, because a part of him knows she's hoping against all odds that he can come through and save the day like she's use to him doing.

"Damon"

Hearing his name finally drawing him to find the strength to look at her, but he remains deadly silent, because he can't find the ability to answer her and say it out loud.

"I knew what you were going to do."

Damon's brow furrowing in confusion, eyes falling closed for a brief moment as he feels her hand resting on his cheek, and with the way she's looking at him with love reflecting in her eyes he finds himself unworthy of her. "You knew that the evil, selfish Damon Salvatore would give up the love of his life to save her best friend?"

By this time she's shaking her head and now cupping his face "I knew that the love of my life would stand by his best friend even if it meant having to live without me for a little while." As tragic as it is standing with him now she finds she couldn't be prouder of him, because he's finally putting others before himself. Lacing her arms around his neck and drawing him in closer so that she can press her lips against his.

Damon's eyes opening and for a moment it takes him a second to realize his surroundings. The crypt, the last place he had said goodbye to Elena before he had been taken to another world and now here he stood preparing himself to walk away. It was a cruel irony and he found himself mentally cursing the universe for bringing him into such a position.

Looking down at the slumbering angel before him he struggles with saying goodbye, and he finds it's the most difficult thing to do, because technically she isn't really dead, she's alive, just trapped.

Soon he's going to have to find the power to carry himself out of here, to seal up the woman he loves in order to protect her because of this damn cure running through her veins. During his sixty years of solitude spent away from the love of his life he won't have the option to visit her, and he'll only know the image of her from his dreams and memories.

Each second of every day he will relive their love story and remind himself of the love that awaits him.

Each second of every day he will continue to carry Elena Gilbert in his heart.

Leaning down he presses his lips tenderly to her temple, lingering for a few moments, tears spilling from his eyes before forcing himself to withdraw from her "goodnight baby."

Even though he doesn't want to he wills himself to close the casket, enclosing her completely. For a moment his hands remain braced against the casket giving himself a second to prepare for this next part, because it's the hardest part of all, walking away.

Turning on his heels with the weight of the world on his shoulders and a heavy heart he takes a step forward, and then another until he's standing outside the entry way of the crypt. Glancing over his shoulder his eyes focus in on the casket containing his slumbering beauty and with the last remaining strength that he has he's able to offer an encouraging smile.

"I'll be seeing you"

Without another word or glance he exits the crypt completely.

Stepping into a world where the love of his life doesn't exist.

A world that he'll spend sixty years in without her by his side

 _We have the time, that's the beauty of eternity_

It was a gift and curse to have forever, but because he had forever that meant when sixty years finally did come to an end, Elena and him would only be beginning.

Upon his exit he is met with Bonnie awaiting him outside, her mouth opening but Damon shakes his head "don't" shaking it again "just don't." He knows this wasn't done by her but right now as he looks at her he's only reminded that he just parted from his love so that she can live. Right now he can't be in her presence because all he feels is resentment. When she turns her focus back on the crypt he listens to her as she begins to spell it, watching as it begins to seal before him. Knowing that somewhere in there, in that casket his heart is in there with Elena. Closing his eyes, not saying another word and not having the strength to look back he flashes off wanting to distance himself from there as far away as possible.

Why the hell had he come home? Maybe it was because he was a masochist and he enjoyed the pain. Maybe he needed to feel Elena's presence and that's what had led him back to the Boarding House. Slowly his feet carrying him up the staircase that leads to their, his private wing of the house until he reaches his bedroom. Stopping in the doorway as his gaze falls to their bed. A flood of memories hitting him, the many times they had made love, her cries of pleasure, their echoes of I love you's as they fell off the edge together and the moments they'd wake wrapped in each other's arms. Those memories that he cherished crashing hard against him to the point that he staggers back as a broken sob escapes him.

When others surrounded him he had kept himself in check and collected but now standing in the doorway of their bedroom all alone he finally allowed the events to come crashing down on him. The tears that he had been holding back for Elena to show he was okay now freely falling down his cheeks. Clouding his vision as more continue to run down, his anguished cries and full out sobs being the only sound heard in the house but it's not just the sound of his cries being heard it's the sound of his heart breaking.

Tears because of the future they had planned that would now have to be put on hold.

Tears because he'd be forced to live his life without his life.

Tears because Elena had always been the ones to put others first and somehow she still had gotten the short end of the stick.

He cried because of what she'd be missing out on like seeing her own brother grow up to be a man.

He cried because when she finally did wake it wouldn't be greeted to happiness because she'd be greeted to all that she had lost.

Tears continuing to trail down his cheek, his heart still shattering until he's left with nothing and as much as he wants to cry he finds he no longer can because he's all cried out. No longer does he feel sadness but instead rage coursing through him. Whenever he was about to snap he'd seek Elena because she was his solace who kept him grounded and now she wasn't here to calm the storm that would be following.

That storm being the damage he was about to do to his own room. Anything that was in his path resulted in destruction, breaking anything that was within reach and once that object was broken he moved onto the next. Entering the bathroom though had increased that fury as his eyes fell to all of Elena's cosmetics lined neatly on the sink counter. She had gotten ready, preparing herself for the wedding never expecting that by the end of the night she wouldn't be coming home. He could still smell the lingering scent of her strawberry shampoo she had used, growling as he moves straight towards the counter, angrily shoving everything off as they crash to the floor. Some breaking because of his roughness but what did it matter? It wasn't like she was going to be using any of it.

Eyes finding their way towards his expansive and custom made shower, the walk in shower were they had both used the space to their advantage in more ways than one. His fists connecting with the tiles not once, twice or three times but countless times until he withdraws his now bloody and bruised fist. Barely flinching accessing the damage in the bathroom before exiting, feet carrying him straight over to his bed.

This was their bed and each time he'd wake up he'd find an empty space beside him. A space that had been hers and only hers. No longer would his eyes flutter open and be greeted to the breath taking angel snuggled up beside him. No longer would he find peace in this room because wrapped up in her it was as if they were in their own world, just with each other the way it should be. No longer would Elena be here, the memories of this bed that he once cherished he now dreads.

Grabbing the table leg that he had broken off from his desk, drawing his arm back and in one fluid motion he strikes as it comes in full contact with the head board of the bed. Repeating the action a couple of times before his hands reach underneath the mattress and violently flipping it as it launches through the air.

"YOU LEFT ME"

Fingers clasping onto one of the posts of the bed, breaking it off and throwing it as it cracks against his wall.

"YOU TOOK HER FROM ME"

Everyone he had ever loved had abandoned him his mother, Katherine but now Elena she had always been at his side until now. The only difference was she hadn't been a willing participant, she hadn't chosen to leave him in fact she hadn't even had a choice.

"YOU TOOK HER"

Shouting to the universe because it seemed to get off on his pain, reaching down, pulling apart one of the bed slats as he stars to swing again. The slat now being used as a bat as he continues to beat his bed apart, swing after swing, until even he finds himself exhausted, dropping the slat, sinking to the floor and finding Elena's pillow right at his feet.

Reaching for the pillow like he would reach for her, drawing it to his chest, and clinging onto it for dear life. Tears once again being found as they travel down his cheek, his eyes closing as he hugs the pillow to his chest.

"Please come back to me"

* * *

 _ **Amsterdam Present**_

All it had been was a few weeks but in those few weeks Damon had done something he wasn't use to doing, he had run. Mystic Falls no longer felt like home and wherever he turned he was always hit with a new memory that him and Elena had shared. It had been too painful and if he wanted to heal and do right by her by living his life he had to go find out.

Damon hadn't been the only one that had lost the love of his life. Alaric had too and since they were both grieving and in need of some escape he had in true Damon fashion kidnapped his best friend and had put miles and miles behind them and Mystic Falls.

Bonnie hadn't been part of the plan, because in truth he had wanted to escape her as well but apparently Alaric and him hadn't been seen as fit to travel alone, enter Bonnie in being their chaperon and travel companion. Though Damon had wanted to fight it he had bit his comment back offering a gruff fine before gathering his things together.

In true Damon and Alaric fashion they had fallen back to their old ways, embracing their past friend who they could always relay on, alcohol. For traveling the world they had mainly traveled from pub to pub getting drunk and trying to drink away the pain but for Damon even alcohol wasn't enough to numb the heart ache.

"I can't feel my cheeks, what are we drinking?"

Snapping out of his past thoughts he returns to the present where Alaric and him are sitting outside a café. Usually one would appreciate the sunny day but to Damon even the sunniest still remained the darkest because his light was missing. "No idea" shrugging his shoulders carelessly "can you read German?"

"That's uh actually Dutch."

"Oh" like he even cared, glancing around the area as his brow raises in curiosity "wait where are we?"

"Amsterdam."

Both of the men turning around to look at their traveling companion who is seated alone at one of the small tables jotting away in a journal. "Dear Elena, yep halfway across Europe and they're still drunk."

Clearly hearing the disapproving tone in Bonnie's voice "is the really necessary" Alaric's voice piping in as Damon looks between the two.

"Elena told me to keep a journal of everything she's missing. When she wakes up in sixty some years and finds out that Ric died from alcohol poisoning shes going to want to know what happened."

Sixty some years causing Damon to hold back the flinch because it might as well be forever in his eyes. Guilt running through him because Bonnie was right if Alaric died from a bad liver he'd be the reason for it because he was allowing him to do so. It wasn't like he wasn't looking after him. The nights when he'd drink too much, throw up Damon was always the one tending to him, leveling a pillow under his head so he wouldn't choke on his own vomit. He understood Bonnie's reasoning but he found it difficult to listen to because in his eyes Alaric had lost Jo, his kids and their future because of Bonnie. In his eyes Bonnie's vendetta against Kai had been reason for why Kai had reacted so violently.

"Unless you tragically choke to death on those cocktail peanuts, then I can tell her myself" he supplies with a sideways smirk. Snark, that was his method of choice when it came to burying on the inside what he really wanted to say. Snark had dry humor which wasn't as harsh as he wanted to be.

"Oh so sweet" closing the journal "I'm going to go rent a bike and see the city like a normal tourist."

Normal tourists weren't here because they were mourning the loss of their life _okay maybe some are but they don't have to wait sixty some odd years for them._ "FYI they don't wear helmets here" he was in Europe a place people only dreamed of being. A place where Elena should have been at his side seeing the world the way she deserved to be.

"Keeps getting funnier"

Bonnie brushing past them as she walks onto the road filled with other tourists "hey" he calls out to her "ride in the tram tracks and don't look both ways."

"Got it"

Watching as she disappears from sight, ignoring the pit in his stomach at the sight of couples wrapped up in each other _that should have been Elena and I._

"Are you sure you don't want to go with her?"

Was he serious? Maybe he was a great actor hiding away his pain but having to spend time with Bonnie and maybe even at the risk of enjoying himself? That just wasn't allowed. Touristy attractions would have to wait because when he finally did do them Elena would be at his side. "Nice try I'm not leaving you."

"I don't need a baby sitter Damon."

Right, what he needed was someone to be on suicide watch because he was a walking and talking flight risk waiting to happen. Damon didn't have many people left in his life and losing his best friend, his drinking buddy and fight buddy Alaric just wasn't an option.

"This isn't about what you need Ric; it's about what I need. Just keeping you from jumping off a cliff keeps my mind of the fact that my girlfriend's magical coma is linked to a Bennett witch that has a knack for avoiding permanent death."

 _What I need is Elena_

"I see" nodding his head as he looks at Damon "so my misery is merely a convenient distraction for you?"

Yeah that sounded about right. Not to mention it kept Damon from doing exactly what Elena requested him not to do, giving up "yep."

"Okay."

Sensing Alaric's gaze on him, brows drawing together in confusion as he meets his gaze "what?"

Patting Damon on the shoulder "I'm glad you're here buddy."

Remaining silent as he keeps his gaze cast on the scenery before him, knowing Elena would enjoy herself here. _I'm not glad to be anywhere…not till she's back again_ seeing Alaric raise his glass to him, grabbing his bottle and lifting it in a mock toast, clinking it against his glass and falling back to their usual routine, drinking.

* * *

Drinking, drinking and more drinking Damon wasn't sure how long it had been but seeing Bonnie make her way back he realized they had been sitting outside the café for a while. "I see you didn't talk to any strangers" he smoothly delivers.

"Sorry Damon I know that's disappointing to you" taking a seat across from him and Alaric.

His mouth opening to say something else but instead what is heard is the sound of his phone going off. Reaching into his pocket, fishing it out and groaning at the ID before pressing the accept button as he lifts it to his ear. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I know I'm missed I'll be sure to send you a wish you were here post card in the mail."

 _I don't know how it happened but Lily somehow got her heretics back and they've already created a lot of bloodshed in Mystic Falls._

Wait rewind, had he heard correctly? Lily had gotten her heretics back; her family was back in Mystic Falls terrorizing his town? "Reception went a little fuzzy brother, it sounds like you just said mom get her family of crazies back. Can I have some details" he requests as he glances over at Alaric and Bonnie.

Matt: One victim had bite wounds, and the other one was scorched beyond recognition.

Stefan: Matt found a house that's been in foreclosure for the last two years and it had its power mysteriously turned back on just days after Ric's wedding so Caroline is there staking it out. Listen I need Ric to tell me how to make a bomb

Going back and forth as he listens between the two _great just great Lily and her band of misfits causing chaos_ glancing up at the universe _really can't give me a break can you?_ Turning his attention to Alaric and handing the phone over to him "oh it's for you."

"Hello."

Resisting the urge to shake his head at the way Alaric is holding the phone _no more alcohol for you_ "other side."

Using his attuned hearing as he listens in on the conversation between Stefan and Alaric _okay parties over time to go home_ Alaric's statement causing Damon to inwardly flinch because going home meant going back to the place that held memories he wasn't ready to face.

Tuning out of the conversation already dreading the return, watching as Alaric practically stumbles out of his chair explaining that he'd need to call Stefan in a more private location so that he could explain how to make a bomb. With Alaric now gone it leaves him just with Bonnie.

"Lily won"

How had this happened? His mother his own flesh and blood had made it hell for him ever since her return and in the end she was getting reunited with her family, she was getting the happy ending.

"As much as we did everything to stop her she actually got her family back."

Almost as if she can read Damon's thoughts, saying exactly what he's thinking "Stefan says he's got it then he's got it" he nonchalantly states.

"Do you really believe that or is that just some excuse to continue your slow crawl towards rock bottom?"

Why hadn't anyone seen that he had already reached rock bottom? Was it possible to go further than rock bottom because he was sure he was going beyond that "you know how many days need to tick by before I see Elena again?" Not even giving her the chance to answer "twenty two thousand, nine hundred and sixteen days and that's assuming you get some old persons disease….I haven't even begun to approach hitting rock bottom."

"Listen to yourself Damon; Elena wants you to live your life."

God he was getting tired of that phrase because everyone around him wasn't getting it _not even Elena_ he bitterly thinks to himself. Wondering how she even thought it was possible that he could move on in life without his life. "Bonnie" he begins finally showcasing that hint of resentment he's been bottling up "if you're going to be here you don't get to play the what would Elena do game."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

 _It means that if you hadn't been so hell bent on revenge against Kai none of this would have happened. Kai wouldn't have fought back the way he had and delivered misery and heartbreak within his wake. It means instead of you seated across from me it would be Elena because I would have taken her out of Mystic Falls and shown her the world because she deserves the world._

A flood of answers wanting to come out but instead he keeps those thoughts to himself "nothing" he simply answers. Reaching across the table and grabbing Alaric's un-finished drink. Lifting it to his lips and draining the remaining contents "oh I've had some janky ass bourbon in my time but this is" not even finishing it.

Bonnie's brow raising, reaching for the glass, lifting it to her nose and inhaling as she rolls her eyes "its not bourbon" settling the glass back down "its tea."

What? That didn't make sense Damon had seen Alaric drain the contents of alcohol down, they had taken shots together, hell he had heard him throwing up his damn guts sometimes. Why the hell would he suddenly be drinking tea? "That doesn't make sense Ric isn't a tea sipping kind of guy."

"Yeah well maybe Ric was using this as his own distraction."

"For what" he questions looking at her curiously.

"I'm not sure but drunk or not we should go find him."

Nodding his head, agreeing with her, and just as he's about to get up from his seat she gives him a disapproving look. Rolling his eyes, fishing a couple of bills from his wallet and tossing them onto the table before moving to catch up with her.

"Ric was right here….how did we lose him?"

Alright so maybe something was up, scanning the crowd but not spotting Ric _after all he's a tall guy pretty easy to locate_ and yet he was nowhere to be found. "You're wearing terrible shoes for trailing someone, your eyes suck and you're slow" trying to ignore the fact that maybe this was his fault. Usually Damon was on his game always knowing when something was up but not this time.

"Oh I'm slow you just spent the last few weeks in Europe with some guy pretending to be drunk and you didn't even notice."

Couldn't argue with her on that one "true."

Releasing a soft sigh knowing fighting wouldn't solve anything "so which way do you want to go?"

Damon's focus no longer on Bonnie or searching for Alaric as he catches sight of a van speeding down the road recklessly.

"Should we turn around or should we go straight?"

Question going ignored because he no longer finds himself on the streets of Amsterdam but instead on that long and winding road back in Mystic Falls.

 _Are you ready for this?_

How could she even ask him such a question? She could give him weeks, months or even a century to prepare for this and he still wouldn't be anywhere close to ready.

 _Ready to spend the next sixty years of my life without you in it, who's ever going to be ready for that?_

Gone, she was gone and now he was living life without her. Abandoned by her forced to move on when he could barely even move. What he had been ready for was to take the cure with her, be human with her and build a life with her and now it was gone.

Returning to the present as he's snapped back to reality at the sound of the horn blaring, alerting him that it was getting all the more closer to them but more so Bonnie. All he had to do was move; get himself out of the way and Elena would be back in his arms. The impact of the van hitting Bonnie would kill her instantly and everything that he had put on hold with Elena could start back up again.

 _Be the better man Damon_

There had been a devil on his shoulder, pushing him to be the selfish man he use to be but then out of nowhere an angel was by his side. He couldn't see her but he could hear her telling him to be the better man. It was that man who had been worthy of her love and it was that man who would choose to do right by her.

Letting Bonnie die wasn't right.

With his choice made he grabs Bonnie, rushing them towards the nearest car, removing her from the life and death situation as the van shoots right past him. His arms hands braced on her shoulders as her hands rest over his. The fear and shock reflecting in her eyes, looking past him at the van that would have ended her life.

"Wow thank you."

 _Don't thank me; thank Elena because she shaped me to be the better man. The man who puts others first before himself._

"Yeah of course."

Bonnie offering him a small smile before something dawns on her. Removing herself from his hold as she heads back over towards the street and glances to where the van had just been "hang on, did you see that truck coming?"

"What" _yes Damon play dumb because that always works_ he chastises.

"Did you just hesitate to save my life?"

Eerily silent for a moment "relax" trying to play it off as nothing "it was just three seconds."

"Three seconds" sounding appalled by the action "I could have died."

 _And I could have had Elena back_ the voice in his head says "you're right Bon had I done nothing Elena would be here and it would be all grand" he coldly retorts.

"Enough" frustration in her voice "I'm not going to spend the rest of my life thinking that you resent me"

"How else am I supposed to feel Bonnie" his tone clipped "you're here, she's not" it was that simple "every time I look at you all I see is Elena."

"I'm so sorry this happened but I lost Elena too Damon."

 _You weren't planning to build a life with her_

"You're one of the few reminders of her that I have to hold onto so you can resent me or love me but you're stuck with me."

Resent me or love me if only it were that easy. Of course he resented her but then he'd be reminded of all the sacrifices she had made for everyone including Elena and him. It had been Bonnie who had endured the wrath of Kai in the Prison World alone because she had given her chance of freedom for Damon so that he could go back to Elena. That's why this was the problem, that's why he was so torn because in ways he did hate her and love her.

Watching silently as she turns around and begins to head in some direction. _I'm being the better man Elena_ casting his gaze towards were the van had sped past them just moments ago before pushing himself to follow Bonnie because they had to find Alaric.

It was time to go home.

* * *

 ** _Mystic Falls_**

There's no place like home and in some twisted way there wasn't a place like home because this wasn't home. The second that they had entered Mystic Falls Damon's gaze had scanned the small and now pretty much vacant town. The nice thing about this town was something was always happening usually in the square and instead he was greeted to nothing. The entire trip back Damon had mentally prepared himself to enter the Boarding House only when he had finally arrived he had been greeted to the fact that others were living in his house. Attuned hearing picking up on the sound of voices he didn't quite recognize until he had picked up on the sound of his mom and that had been enough to cause him to walk the other way.

Walking around the town he had noticed the changes and though he always had made fun of this routine and un-changing town he now found he didn't like change. Spotting Stefan's red mini convertible parked outside the Grill causing him to fish out his cell and dial his number.

 _How's Europe?_

How could he sound so calm? How could he sound as if the world wasn't falling apart because it was "Ric was kind of meh on the Mona Lisa" he sarcastically quips" feet carrying him towards the Grill. Deciding to test his brother "anything I should know about?"

 _Eh, can wait till you get back_

Ignoring the irritation he feels at the fact that Stefan is keeping things from him. Pushing the doors open of the Grill as he steps inside of the establishment "well I'm back" announcing himself "want to tell me who the hell's living in our house?"

"The whole town would have been slaughtered."

Ever the Saint trying to throw some excuse about saving people Damon really didn't give a crap about him. Rolling his eyes as he reaches into the box that Stefan had been stocking, grabbing himself a bottle and untwisting the cap "so we kill them and call it a day."

"We already tried that."

 _Oh right sending a human no less to do a vampire's job_ "you sent Donovan to blow up a house" lifting the bottle to his lips "try harder" he counters as he takes a sip.

"Look the deal has been made we don't mess with them and they don't mess with us."

"That's very benevolent of you brother" sarcasm clear in his tone. "You should run for mayor, not that anyone would be here to vote for you" he bluntly points out.

"Look what's done is done do not mess this up" Stefan warns, box in hand as he brushes past his older brother.

Not buying it or accepting it, turning around so he can look at his brother "who convinced you to save a town full of people you don't give a rat's ass about?" Knowing full well this wasn't something that Stefan had come up with "because it's not your idea and Matt can't think his way out of a paper bag" lips pursed together "so it must be Caroline" he deduces.

"Do me a favor and box that bottle up on your way out."

"Stefan hangs up his hero hair for the girl" not letting Stefan get away that easily "and here I thought my future was bleak" he murmurs. Lifting the bottle to his lips and taking a short swig.

"You know Elena wanted you to be happy, to live even encouraged you to date but if she wakes up and everyone she loves is dead do you think that she would be able to forgive that?"

Stefan now up in Damon's face as he remains silent letting everything sink in that his brother is saying.

"I'm not doing this for Caroline, Damon I'm doing this for you" he says as he turns around for the final time and stars to make his exit.

"Oh well that just makes everything better now doesn't it" waving the bottle around, gesturing towards the room. "Doing it for me" he repeats with a laugh "so now we are homeless because you did this for me" he questions. Remaining silent, gauging his brothers reaction "well thank you brother, truly thank you for losing our only home and giving it away to a woman who's given nothing back to us and now has OUR" his voice rising as he says this "home….for her make shift family" he spits out "no wonder you have the hero hair because you just saved the day."

"Look Damon" Stefan begins but he's instantly cut off.

Not even home for twenty four hours and already he could feel the walls closing in on him. "Don't" he says through gritted teeth "don' look Damon me. I have always been the selfish one but it seems the all mighty tables have turned because everyone around me including you" waving an accusing finger in his direction "keeps encouraging me to move on." Lifting the bottle to his lips this time taking a deeper swig before resting the bottle against his hips "live your life Damon" he mimics "that's what Elena told me but you, her and every other idiot around me fails to remember that she is my life."

Scoffing at the thought of actually going out on a date with anyone besides Elena "she wasn't just some girl brother she was the girl….my girl. We made plans and I'm not the type of guy who makes plans unless it's real and what Elena and I share is past the definition of real" he passionately states. "So don't you" slowly advancing forward "or anyone else tell me to go be happy, date and live my life because I refuse to live until she is back in my arms where she rightfully belongs." Steely blues remaining trained on his brother "the only reason I'm not deep in slumber in a coffin beside her is because she asked me not to and considering I went against her other wishes it's the least I can do."

Knowing that he had made his point as Stefan somberly nods his head "I'm sorry."

This time sorry wasn't enough because sorry changed nothing. Cutting him off "save it" shoving the almost empty bottle of bourbon against his brother's chest, brushing past him and just as he's about to leave the Grill he stops in the doorway. Damon's eyes meeting Stefan's once again "and do me a favor don't use me as an excuse. You didn't do this for me you did this because like always you weren't man enough to say no."

Past irritations flooding to the surface, eyeing his brother once more before exiting the Grill completely and stepping off into the night.

* * *

 _They had been stopped Bon back in 1903 but then you betrayed Kai, he let them out and I got to bury all my buddies from the sheriff's department._

 _So this is my fault?_

 _No I didn't say that, look I got to go_

Perched on the clock tower in the dead of night Damon listened in on the conversation between Matt and Bonnie somewhat surprised that Matt had laid it all out there. Matt had always been what he deemed to be the Golden Boy but from the stress in his voice even he could pick out that he was holding resentment towards Bonnie. A part of Damon had felt guilty because the only fault Bonnie had made in this was living not to mention Damon had been part of that prison world as well. Even from his perch he could tell that Matt's words had hurt Bonnie, watching as she stayed in her spot for a moment before finally departing. Watching until she was out of his sight before returning back to guard as he took over the role of the watchmen.

 _Seriously come on Damon are you ready to give all this up_

The last time he had been up here he had been with Elena trying to convince her that he wanted a human life and that he was ready to take the cure.

"I was ready"

He whispers as he stares out into the night sky wishing that he could find answers. A soft sigh escaping him as his gaze turns towards the forest, keeping it focused on there and listening in on any threats that might approach his beloved while she was sleeping.

* * *

For a couple hours he had been perched on the clock tower until he finally decided to call it a night. All shockingly seemed quite and with hesitance he had finally leaped off the tower and began to head home until he realized that he was now homeless. It wasn't like he come take up residence at a vacant house because he had to be invited in. Knowing there was at least one place for him that would take him away from here but still be close if needed he decides to head there.

Whitmore, the masochist in him carries him to where her dorm room was because at least in some way she was still with him. Reaching her door he stops suddenly just staring at it. More than anything he wants to knock against it and be greeted to it swinging open revealing her breath taking face on the other side. Knowing that that's a shot in the dark he reaches for the handle of the door, turning it until he hears a 'click' signaling he's broken the lock. Placing his palm against the door he pushes it open and is hit with her absence. Slowly he enters the room, closing the door behind him and setting his box down on the chest at the end of her bed.

Reaching into the box he grabs a trusty bottle that he had picked up along the way, making his way over to the bed, her bed and taking a seat on the mattress. His gaze flicking across the room and thinking back to the many times he had come here only to sit and watch her get ready. The times were she would be studying and he'd prove to be a distraction for her. Smirking at the memory, swallowing hard as he unscrews the cap and takes a slight sig from the bottle and as much as he wants to drown himself in alcohol and the scent that is surrounding him in this room its cut short as the door swings open.

"What are you doing here?"

He knew it was Bonnie but he had yet to turn his attention to her, instead just staring straight ahead of him. "Have you been to Mystic Falls" why had he even asked of course she had considering he had seen her. "There is a heretic clipping his gnarly heretic toenails in my master bath right now" he could have been wrong on that, making assumptions but the point was they were in his home and he was not. "I had nowhere else to go."

"So I guess it's a good thing I didn't get hit by a truck huh?"

 _Hit or not I still would have been able to enter the room_ the statement threatening to spill past his lips "come on Bonnie" turning his head to the side "it was three seconds."

"Do you know how long three seconds are in a life or death situation?"

Finally turning around so that he can face her "by the first second I thought how amazing it would feel to have Elena in my arms again" _because I would finally be whole._ "By second number two" his tone a little more rough now "I kissed her" setting the bottle back in the box as he rises from his spot on the bed "but by the third she drew back because she realized what I had done."

Seeing the confusion on Bonnie as he takes a couple of steps towards her "how I had sacrificed her best friend so that I could have her back, I lost her then" shaking his head "and I would have lost her now had she realized what I had done." Now standing in front of Bonnie as his intense gaze meets hers. "Elena cares about you" silent for a moment before placing his hands on her shoulders "and so do I" letting that sink in before he withdraws his hands "and when she comes back it'll be done in the right way because I'm going to do right by her."

A silence falling between the two of them, Bonnie's gaze falling to the ground for a few moments before turning back to look at him "just checking" crossing her arms over her chest.

Nodding his head "and I will wait for her" hell had had waited for over a century for Katherine. Sixty years give or take he could do because the end result would actually be worth it this time around because unlike Katherine, Elena would be there because what they share is real "and you're going to help me because you're stuck with me too." Reaching back into the box for his security blanket as he grabs the bottle again.

"The heretics are out because of me."

"No Bonnie" shaking his head "the heretics are out because my mother" like she even deserved such a title "is a lunatic and everyone is too scared to stop her. _Baby bro included_ tipping his head back and taking a swig from the bottle.

"I'm not, I want to fight. I want our town back."

Lowering the bottle as he shifts his attention towards her and he swears he's traveled back in time to were Klaus had once been a problem. To when Bonnie had been viewed as a force to be reckoned with that even the big bad wolf had feared.

"Then let's get it back."

The plan had been set in motion; they had headed back to Mystic Falls wanting to send a message to his Mama Dearest. When Damon had picked up on the sound of a human heart beat that hadn't been Matt's he knew a blood hungry heretic would be lurking about which had caused Bonnie to go one way and he the other.

Watching from afar with disgust in his expression as one of Lily's heretics savagely proceeds to have dinner _I'd say this is a downgrade from her real family._ The human dropping, another dead body to be cleaned up _and you are_ the heretic asks now casting his attention towards Bonnie.

Damon remaining deep in the shadows watching the exchange between the two of them _town witch_ Bonnie answers before using her witchy ju-ju causing Damon to smirk watching the heretic grab his head in pain. For a moment Damon's believed they had the upper hand but a second later he hears Bonnie screaming in pain because the tables have turned.

 _Enter me_

Using the advantage of surprise Damon sneaks up behind the heretic, thrusting his hand into his chest, locating his heart and sadistically ripping it out. The heretic dropping instantly to the ground as Damon examines the heart _so that's all it takes….your simple rip out a heart and end a life looks like I came home just in time brother_ maybe he'd be able to save this town after all. Tossing the worthless heart on the ground beside Lily's family member, meeting Bonnie's gaze and sending her his signature smirk "clean up on isle twelve…..I think that will send a clear message to Lily."

* * *

All Damon had wanted to do was stick around until one of Lily's family members found the body leaving them one less of a member but instead he had headed back to Whitmore while Bonnie had explained she was going to meet up with Matt and hopefully hash things out.

Now here he was back in the dorm, remaining in the in-between of the room before finally releasing a frustrated sigh and closing the door behind him as he enters. For now this would do, he'd move into the Lockwood Mansion or something seeing as he had been invited in and it was empty with Jeremy and Tyler both gone. Walking more into the room he makes his way over towards one of the desks, reaching for a drawer and pulling it open, revealing a stack of journals.

 _Caroline_ he assumes considering that Elena had requested they all write in journals to keep her up to date on what was happening. Everyone had listened to the request but him, shaking his head and shutting the drawer before finding himself opening it again and reaching inside as he picks up a brown journal. Opening it up to see that it's empty, hesitating for a moment before grabbing one of the countless pens that are in a mug _Caroline_ he thinks again seeing as she was quite OCD when it came to organization.

Slowly he makes his way back over to Elena's bed, making himself comfortable as he rests his back against the wall. For a moment he has an inner debate with himself but loses as he finds he's now opening the journal. Staring blankly at it, the pen hovering over the white crisp page before finally giving in as he starts to jot things down.

 _Dear Elena,_

 _No hell hasn't frozen over and Stefan hasn't given up his hair gel. This is in fact me writing to you and for the longest time I drew away from it because it would only make your absence all the more final but something happened. I'm sure Bonnie has explained to you in her entries how we've tagged along with Alaric around the world in some odd days and one of those trips ended us up in Amsterdam. Well after Ric went off on his own, Bonnie and I were walking on the street and she was saying something but a van caught my attention because it was coming straight towards us. Bonnies back had been to it making it that she didn't see and for three short seconds I humored the thought of not saving her. I know, I know but before you scowl and shake your head at me try seeing it from my side, okay?_

 _There are no good days for me because you're not with me. I've worn a mask and a simple smirk and snarky comment is enough for people to fool that I'm alright but I'm not. I'm a wreck. I have this cloud of darkness and gloom hanging over me and I can't see the light because you are my light. I'm watching everyone around me move on including my brother and I'm stuck here waiting for you. We planned a future Elena, wet set up a life and now it's on pause and you don't know how badly I want to press the play button but I can't do that until you're back._

 _I had a three second moment of weakness but then that devilish voice in my head turned angelic and I heard you telling me to be the better man. I didn't want to be the better man because I wanted you by my side but then I realized not being the better man and you waking I still wouldn't have you. You'd end up waking up earlier than expected; find out Bonnie had died because I refused to save her and though I know how much you love me that wouldn't have been enough for you to forgive me for my selfish act._

 _We both care about Bonnie, she's important to us and it would have been wrong on my part to use her death to get you back. When you come back I want it to be the right way and yes I know it's going to be difficult for you but at least in this scenario I'll be by your side. Maybe years ago I would have sacrificed Bonnie but I'm not that man anymore and that's because you shaped me into this man that cares about others._

 _Well time for me to close this off I think I hear Bonnie coming and I really don't want her or anyone else to know about this because I don't open up to people. The only person I ever really opened up to is you and since you're not here with me now this is all I have. I miss you Elena, more than you know and I'm coming down the days till you're in my arms again._

 _I love you_

 _ **-DS**_


End file.
